I Quit Weight Watchers And Here's Why

[PODCAST link at the bottom]

Sorry to all my friends who still work at Weight Watchers, I'm sure this is not ideal press. But it's important for me to tell the truth.

For three years, I've had people congratulate me on my weight loss and ask me for advice and tips on how to achieve it. My "success" was always treated as this impossible feat that made me so much more valuable as a person. And man, I believed the lie so hard. I got caught up in the positive affirmation and validation from dropping 100 pounds that I truly didn't think I was living a questionable lifestyle. But dear friends and followers, that was bullshit. And I genuinely didn't know it. 

What started out as "balanced" quickly turned into an obsessive routine that robbed me of my life. My entire identity became weight loss, and I didn't even know what my interests or hobbies were beyond cooking and working out. I would try to eat as low points as possible every day. If I didn't work out six days a week, I felt like a lazy pile of trash. I skipped social events in fear of what food would be there and how I would face the encounter. I lost a part of myself on that journey, and the effects of it were violent and excruciating. Once I started my endless cycle of bingeing and restricting, I drowned in a monsoon of depression. I missed my friends. I didn't show up for people or work. And I hated myself with every fiber of my being. 

It took an eating disorder dietitian, a therapist, and a 12-step anonymous program for me to feel like a normal human again. My biggest fear was gaining weight back, and teaching myself to just eat the fucking peanut butter instead of PB2 was terrifying. I did end up gaining a significant amount of weight back, but it's because I continued to binge. Not because I finally stopped demonizing food and gained food freedom. But you know what? I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. 

Now this isn't to say I didn't enjoy being thin. Sure, it was hella nice to walk into a store and find clothes without worry. I loved being fit enough to run a half-marathon at a solid pace. It was great to get attention and feel more confident in myself just because of my size. But that's kind of the problem. I was happy with the physical outcome, but the toll this took on my mental health was not worth weighing and measuring everything I ate. It was a facade. This was not unconditional love with myself. 

Weight Watchers works for some people, and I have many friends who still swear by it. But in my personal experience, it was detrimental to my overall well-being. I wasn't present. I wasn't enjoying the many roads of life. I was in the food. Always. Thinking about nothing else. And that's just not the narrative I want for myself anymore. 

With all that said, I have done a podcast episode with Christina Montlavo from The Confidence Project and would love for you to listen. You can download the episode on your phone, or listen directly here. I also highly recommend the book Intuitive Eating as it helped me find food freedom.

Thank you to everyone who supported me throughout this entire journey. This is the last I'm going to write about WW, and I hope to focus more on travel and product reviews. I appreciate those who stuck with me the whole way.

-Arielle